


Cannot be Undone

by Phonexia



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Sad, Trauma, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24903160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phonexia/pseuds/Phonexia
Summary: Angst to vent out my feelings. A little internal exploration of Lapis after Can't go Back, with the headcanon that Lapidot had occurred in the barn.
Kudos: 3





	Cannot be Undone

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent fic because I am not doing so hot. I'll update my other fic, eventually. I have been working on original content in the meantime and that has killed my energy to write fic, but this is here to try to just vent out a lot of anger and sadness.

“I love you.” The words echoed in Lapis’ mind as she flew with that cluttered barn. The words meant so much, so much to Peridot, so much to her. Her skirt flapped in the vacuum, solar winds reaching her, pelting her and blowing her freezing tears into space. The barn trailed behind her, lifted by her beautiful water. Her hair slightly flipped with her speed. 

Those words were Peridot’s, and they were exactly what she wanted. The green gem provided warmth, comfort. But of course now she was in space, and that meant cold. It was an endless cold, made freezing from the green gem’s absence. There was something deep in her core that she didn’t want to face, that she had blown it. Her trauma, her fear, they caused her this pain, they caused her this loneliness, and caused her to destroy the closest relationship she had. 

“I love you too” she had replied to the green gem’s confession. That day was the best in her life, the day she was finally beaming with happiness. It was the day they hugged and cuddled and made themselves a real family. It was the day that in a 1,000 year time should be her finest. Yet it had proven to be a mere detour, a detour from the cycle of trauma and abuse that dominated her sad existence.  
She thought about just flying off to somewhere where nobody would find her. But something with that thought made her heart sink. Loneliness. She felt an intense loneliness that could not be satiated. Not without them. Not without Peridot or Steven. 

Oh stars remember Steven, the young boy that showed genuine concern for her lonesome predicament on the moon. She thought that she could actually go back, actually have what she had, or even something better. No, her fear had to drag her back to this accursed void. She knew that she was in deep shit. Steven would probably hate him just as much as Peridot would have…  
Peridot. She remembered Peridot. How that little green gremlin is so brave, ah, she loved her. She missed her, that’s what drove her on the moon. The guilt of what she did, nay, everything she did panged at her chest. She just didn’t want to have her life with Peri destroyed. 

Hah, she had already done that. Lapis knew it. There was an intense pain in the green gremlin. Whatever relationship they had was done. She did that. She did that. She knew it and finally admitted it, her trauma had cost her the relationship. Peridot didn’t deserve that pain, and she would feel guilty beyond belief if she could get back and pretend that nothing had happened. No, they were no longer lovers. But they could still be friends. 

A fire burned in the gem, and she thought of everything. Everyone else had betrayed her, Pearl, some Bismuth, the Diamonds, all used her. Damnit she was not going to betray herself. If she was going to be punished, she was going to fight. Fight against those that hurt her, fight for those who loved her. If the love they had was taken by the diamonds, then at least she would salvage a friend. She turned back, she had a job to do.


End file.
